


I've been thinking good good things about you...

by Kodou



Series: Drums and Bass [1]
Category: Dir en grey
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:27:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25299124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kodou/pseuds/Kodou
Summary: A crush is just a crush until there's a spark. It's a spark Shinya doesn't expect.A fluffy little get-together fic.
Relationships: Shinya/Toshiya (Dir en grey)
Series: Drums and Bass [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1832683
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	I've been thinking good good things about you...

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jennthezombie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jennthezombie/gifts).



> "I've been thinking good good things about you  
> Cool and warm, good good things about you  
> If you've been thinking good good things about me  
> So cool and warm when you put your arms around me"
> 
> Good Good Things - The Descendants 
> 
> Dedicated to my partner-in-crime, Jenn <3

It’s been a long day, there was the small TV interview and photoshoot they spent all day doing before an early evening show on Dotonbori and Dir en Grey were so far down the roster that it was past dark and kinda chilly by the time they finished. Shinya was just glad they were able to get someone in one of the bigger bands to pick them in one of their big vans with all their stuff and drop them off at their practice spot so he didn’t have to shell out for a taxi to get all of his drum gear back safely. He can’t just load an entire set of drums into one of those small, cheap cabs even if he wanted to.

The other guys have already split, but Toshiya stuck around to help Shinya take his stuff up to the studio and store it. It’s something he’s only started to do pretty recently, not that Shinya is complaining at all but it makes something simple like putting his drums away take a long time because it’s distracting. Toshiya has become incredibly distracting lately, not just while lifting things and being helpful but like all the time. Even as they stand together outside the practice building, traces of black lipstick from earlier still on his lips as he smokes a cigarette. Shinya can’t help but look at Toshiya, under the different colored phosphorescent and neon lights of late night Shinsaibashi he looks almost unreal. Like a picture in a magazine, kind of, even after changing out of his stage clothes and back into a sweater and jeans with sweat-ruined makeup and crazy hair.

The moment stretches out until Toshiya yawns like he’s trying to let the whole street know he’s tired, loud and long and when he wipes at his eye it smears the already runny mascara. He turns to Shinya and watches him back for a quick moment with a look of contemplation.

“What?” he asks finally, eyebrows going up and disappearing into his sweat-mussed fringe. “What are you looking at?”

Oh, so Shinya got caught looking. He feels his cheeks start to get warm. “Nothing...”

“Mmm,” Toshiya says and he smiles so flirty that Shinya’s breath catches a little, “You’re looking at how handsome I am, right?” He winks and Shinya feels his mouth part slightly but he short-circuits on what he’s gonna say. 

Luckily Toshiya ruins the moment by yawning really hard again, it cuts Shinya a break and he rolls his eyes. “If by handsome you mean exhausted, then yeah.” He puts his hands on his hips for a moment. “Have you been sleeping alright?”

Toshiya looks sheepish and when Shinya sighs hard in disapproval he holds up his hands placatingly.

“I was able to get like two days of work to pay my portion of the rent where I’m staying, I promise I wasn’t out partying,” he says quickly, obviously remembering the last time Shinya had gotten on his case for not sleeping very much. 

“What about food?” Shinya presses and when Toshiya rolls his eyes because Shinya calls him out Shinya steps closer and jabs at Toshiya’s arm. “Toshiya, you can’t survive off of cigarettes and coffee and like 3 hours of sleep. I need you to not be dead.”

“You need me, huh?” Toshiya grins but then he’s wincing and stepping back because Shinya jabs him harder. “Shinya...” he whines.

“Come on,” Shinya says and grabs Toshiya’s forearm before turning away to head down the street. It’s a crazy idea, Toshiya sometimes crashes with the other guys and he’s stayed with Shinya before but that was like, Before. Before this weird sort of dancing around each other started, the flirting and the soft touches and smiles started to maybe mean something recently and so that’s why he feels so reckless as he pulls Toshiya towards the station.

“Wha- Shinya?” Toshiya says, sounding confused. “What...”

“You’re gonna come get a meal and a decent night of sleep at my place, “ Shinya says firmly, not turning around so Toshiya can’t see his red cheeks. He ducks his head down anyways, hiding some of his embarrassment at being so brazen.

“Shinya, no,” Toshiya protests but he doesn’t try to get away from Shinya’s grip. “I have my own home...” he starts but Shinya laughs and interrupts him.

“Yeah, you live in a box with like 50 different people, “ Shinya says and ignores when Toshiya corrects him with the real number of occupants. “That’s why you don’t sleep so good, Sardine-chan.”

Toshiya huffs a laugh at the nickname but he jogs a bit to catch up with Shinya and walk next to him. “Shinya, you don't have to do this. Don’t feel sorry for me, I choose this lifestyle, y’know.” he says and when Shinya turns and looks up at him his eyes are so earnest that Shinya has to turn his head away again.

“I know and I’m not trying to pity you,” Shinya says and glances back at Toshiya. He’s looking down at where Shinya is still gripping his forearm with a weird look so Shinya lets go like he’s been burnt and clears his throat before continuing. “I’m just helping out my friend.”

“Your friend,” Toshiya parrots and blinks at Shinya slowly like he’s realizing something. Shinya has to swallow once thickly before he nods.

“Just come eat some of my instant ramen and yakisoba and crash on my floor,” he says firmly and Toshiya breaks out of whatever thought he was having and hiccups a giggle, breathless and sounding as wild as Shinya is feeling. 

“Okay,” he says, agreeing. “I could never say no to you about anything.”

Shinya stops short and looks at Toshiya after he says that, heart pounding in his chest. What did that mean? But Toshiya keeps walking so Shinya has to step quickly and catch up. “We better hurry up,” Toshiya tosses over his shoulder as they walk faster, the noise carrying through the emptying Shinsaibashi streets. “It’s almost the last train.”

They don’t talk much after that, it’s a Friday night and almost fall so all the people trying to squeeze the last bit of enjoyment out of summer are crowding into the station to get to the last scheduled trains to make it home before they shut off for the night. It’s an easy crowd to get swept up in, Shinya holds onto Toshiya’s sweater hood tightly as they get on the Midosuji line. It’s a short ride in that over-crowded train car but then they have to hurry to catch the Sakaisuji, they laugh wildly as they race through the station and down the stairs and just manage to slide in the closest car before the doors shut.

They stand there breathing for a moment, Toshiya holds onto the bar with one hand and Shinya’s upper arm with the other to brace him as the train sways sharply to a start. “I need to stop smoking,” he says, laughing as he pants heavily.

“You do,” Shinya agrees and grins as Toshiya laughs again, reaching out to grab the same bar that Toshiya is holding onto. The next stop clears the train out enough that they’re able to snag a seat. It’s not much of a seat, Toshiya kind of pushes Shinya into the space next to the wall and maneuvers himself to squeeze into the small space between him and a sleeping, swaying businessman that smells a lot like beer and a little like vomit.

They don’t say anything to each other, but Shinya is very acutely aware of all the places Toshiya is pushed up against his side. His heart is pounding so hard he’s a little afraid that Toshiya can hear it or even feel it, but Toshiya just shifts and puts his arm around the back of the seat that Shinya is sitting in.

“Sorry,” Toshiya murmurs, his voice low and close to Shinya’s ear. It makes Shinya shiver despite himself with how intimate it feels. 

“‘S ok,” he says low in return and when he turns his head to look at Toshiya it brings their faces so close together he can feel Toshiya’s breath ghost across his chin and mouth. His heart jumps into his throat as he drags his eyes away from Toshiya’s full lips up to his eyes. Their eyes meet for a moment then reality snaps in and when Toshiya blushes and turns away quickly Shinya looks down at his lap and blushes harder.

Was that almost a kiss? It shocks Shinya with how badly he wants that. He takes a few deep breaths to center himself, trying not to be all super obvious about all of his stupid feelings but it doesn’t work because that’s definitely Toshiya’s hand settled on his shoulder with his fingers trailing over his upper arm so lightly and exploratory. Probably trying to see if he can get away with it, but when Shinya glances over at him he’s looking away pointedly.

Shinya bites his lower lip a little, hiding his smile. Toshiya being as nervous as he is is kinda cute, it’s sweet that he’s nervous when he’s usually so flirty and such a tease. Shinya has seen Toshiya pick up different people before no problem but here they are all blushing and soft touches again. It’s probably all for Shinya’s sake, which he does appreciate. This kind of flirting isn’t something Shinya is really very used to. He sort of leans a little more into Toshiya with that thought and one of his hands moves over slowly until he’s able to tap his index finger on Toshiya’s slim thigh where it’s flush against his own. Silent approval.

When Shinya looks again, Toshiya still isn't looking directly at him but it’s easy to tell he’s smiling and the movements of his fingers grow more confident. It’s funny how so small of a movement from Toshiya’s fingertips and side of his thumb can make Shinya crave so much more. He barely gets to enjoy it though, the train arrives at the station and they have to get up out of their spot and stumble out of the train and into the station. 

It’s a little bit colder out here in Tengachaya, the lack of taller buildings is letting the cool air breeze through stronger. They both shiver with it when they get out of the warm and humid station, but while they giggle at their similar reactions to the chill they hurry on out to Shinya’s neighborhood. The streets are quiet out here, darker and lined with more houses then with stores. Shinya often gets teased for living so far from the nightlife of Umeda or Namba but he loves it. It may be a tiny place next to a tiny yakitori restaurant that leaks the smells but he can afford it with only minimal help from his parents and he doesn’t have to share it. To Shinya, it's perfect.

Shinya lets Toshiya in first after he unlocks the door, watches him look around the front area of his home as Shinya takes off his shoes. Toshiya looks like he doesn’t know what to do with himself or where to put his hands, after a moment he turns back around to face Shinya.

“Can I borrow the bathroom?” he asks, sounding as tired as he did back outside the practice studio. “I just, I wanna get the rest of this makeup off...” Toshiya trails off and motions at his face. Shinya suddenly feels the same itch, long hours in thick makeup always made him feel a bit icky at the end of the day too.

“There’s plenty of towels and some makeup remover you can use in there,” Shinya says as he starts opening cabinets up. “You can go first, I’m gonna get some water going.”

“Thank you so much,” Toshiya calls as he steps out of the front area and into the back where the bedroom and bathroom is. The door slides shut behind him and as soon as the water turns on in the distance Shinya takes a huge breath. His heart hasn’t stopped thump-thumping since Toshiya pushed into his space on the train. He doesn’t want this to be awkward, he doesn’t want to be the awkward one so Shinya focuses on setting up the electric kettle and getting a couple of packages of ramen and yakisoba ready.

By the time Toshiya emerges bare face with his damp bangs dripping water down the sides of his cheeks, it’s ready. “Here,” Shinya says as Toshiya crosses into the kitchen. He thrusts one of the packages of yakisoba and some chopsticks at Toshiya.

“Oh!” Toshiya exclaims and his stomach rumbles approvingly, it makes Toshiya flush a little in embarrassment but he takes the chopsticks first before carefully taking the bowl out of Shinya’s hands. “Thank you...” 

Shinya huffs as Toshiya hesitates, looking between Shinya, the few open and stewing cups of ramen on the counter, and the yakisoba in his hands.

“What?” he asks and Toshiya looks embarrassed again.

“Are you gonna eat? I mean, I can wait for you if you- “

Shinya reaches out and puts his fingers lightly over Toshiya’s mouth before he can catch himself, Toshiya’s eyes open wider and Shinya pulls his hand back quickly and covers up how he is most definitely full on blushing by pointing at the yakisoba in Toshiya’s hands. 

“Eat,” he orders, “I made all of those for you so don’t let them go to waste. I’m just gonna go clean up too, ok?”

Toshiya’s eyes are still a little wide as he nods. Shinya watches his throat work for a moment before he listens and sticks his chopsticks into the yakisoba. Happy that Toshiya is gonna keep eating even after Shinya leaves, he goes to take his turn cleaning up.

The bathroom is still a little warm from the hot water Toshiya used, there’s a little fog on the small mirror and some water droplets on the sink but otherwise Toshiya had left the room clean. Shinya turns the water back on but takes a long moment to stare at his fingers, he can’t believe he did that. He can’t believe that Toshiya’s lips were that soft, either.

A choked out sigh escapes from Shinya's throat before he catches himself; he rolls his eyes hard, looks hard at himself in the mirror. _Stop being a romance movie heroine_ , he tells himself and repeats that mantra in his head as he pulls his long hair back and up. After he pins his bangs up he lathers the makeup remover and scrubs his face. It feels good to get it all off; the sweat and the makeup and the feeling of a long day. 

When he comes back out into the front room he feels refreshed, Toshiya is still eating and is leaning backwards against one of the low counters. There’s a few empty containers next to him and when he turns quickly he has noodles hanging out of his mouth. He looks guilty as he quickly chews his mouthful and it makes Shinya give a little smile.

“Sorry, I should've left you more, but...”

Shinya shakes his head and he takes the last two containers of noodles he made up and leans on the counter next to Toshiya. He puts one of the cups next to Toshiya and keeps the other one for himself, “I made them for you, remember?”

Toshiya hesitates but he reaches over and takes the other instant ramen. He looks at it for a moment and Shinya is ready to yell at him for being such a baby about free food but when he looks up at Shinya again there’s a soft look in his eyes.

“I like your bangs pinned up like that,” he says as he starts to dig some noodles out of their container. “I like being able to see your face like this, it’s nice.”

Shinya watches Toshiya eat like he hadn’t just put that out there like that. He’s blushing again and that whole mantra he repeated in the bathroom kind of flies out the window just from a little bit of flirting. “Thanks,” Shinya murmurs as he picks up his own cup of ramen. When he looks up at Toshiya again, Toshiya is watching him so he smiles shyly and stares down into the noodles for a moment before he’s ready to take a bite.

They make a little idle chit chat as they eat, they talk a little bit about the show and have a giggle over something Kaoru said during their interview that morning. It’s pretty casual besides the electricity that Shinya feels each time their eyes catch each other’s. It’s driving Shinya crazy, something needs to happen. There’s a point of no return they’re edging onto, bandmate or not. It all just depended on whether or not they felt it was worth it.

That’s kind of a sobering thought, Shinya feels his stomach clench up. He’s never felt this wound up over someone before and honestly, nobody that looks even half as attractive as Toshiya does has ever even shown him interest. Passing this up would be so stupid, but the thought of the band makes him feel guilty for considering it. They’ve all been working so hard to make Dir en grey something successful that even the potential that Shinya could cause something to make it fall apart was horrifying.

“Shinya,” Toshiya’s voice cuts through his thoughts, sounding concerned.

“Sorry,” Shinya says and feels himself smile but knows it doesn’t reach his eyes. “I’m just so tired, y’know? I can get you something to sleep in in a moment, but I usually have some tea before I go to bed. Do you want some?”

Toshiya’s head is a bit cocked, he is regarding Shinya very closely and Shinya can’t breathe with how good he looks right here in Shinya’s own home. It’s unfair. 

“Sure,” Toshiya says finally and he smiles too, that soft look on his face again. “Thanks.” 

“Of course,” Shinya says as he stands up straight, glad to be doing something with his hands. He fills up the kettle again as Toshiya shuffles around behind him, he can hear him pick up the remains from their meal and points to the trash can without Toshiya needing to ask. Shinya’s mug is on the counter so he has to reach to grab a spare mug for Toshiya, he’d put them in the highest and hardest to reach cabinet just from a lack of space in his tiny kitchen and lack of visitors willing to make the trek out to see him.

Shinya curses a little as his fingers brush the handle of a mug and ends up pushing it away instead of bringing it closer. He goes further up on his tiptoes and stretches as far as he can but his fingers just lightly graze the ceramic again and push it even further back.

“Here,” he hears Toshiya say before he feels him come up behind him. Shinya goes to move out of the way but suddenly there’s a big warm hand on his hip and a chest pressed up against his back. “Let me help,” is said low and into Shinya’s ear and he can’t help the gasp and the shiver that comes from him.

The hand on his hip tightens but Toshiya stretches up and retrieves the mug that was just alluding Shinya’s grasp and holds it up in front of Shinya’s face. Shinya grabs it and clutches it to his chest as Toshiya’s hand moves to sit on Shinya’s upper arm. He squeezes it lightly and Shinya hears him take a deep shaky breath.

“Toshiya,” he breathes out, voice catching in his chest.

“Mmm?” Toshiya answers, Shinya can feel his breaths on his ear and when that makes him shudder Toshiya’s hand moves from his hip to his waist.

“Don’t- you- I can’t...” Shinya starts and has to clear his throat and try again. “I can’t be a casual one time fun thing for you to-”

“Oh,” Toshiya interrupts, sounding almost panicked and he pulls his hands off before he steps away from Shinya. “Shinya, no, It’s not like that.” Shinya feels a little regret for saying something after that genuine reaction and he really wants Toshiya to put his hands back on him already but he turns against the counter to face Toshiya.

Toshiya takes the mug from Shinya very carefully and places it on the counter before taking Shinya’s hands in his own and bringing them to his chest. The look on his face is serious and earnest but still so soft that it makes Shinya bite his lip.

“I know I’m kind of a flirt,” he starts and when Shinya rolls his eyes he laughs self-consciously for a moment. “Ok, a big flirt but I mean, Shinya, this isn’t something I’m doing on some whim, okay? I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“Or the band,” Shinya insists, looking up at Toshiya with wide eyes. 

“Or the band,” Toshiya says and shakes his head, dismissing that. He continues on, voice tight and a little nervous. “Look, Shinya, I’ve really tried to not be super obvious about it since you’re kind of hard to read, but I’m crazy about you. I’ve _been_ crazy about you.”

“Oh,” Shinya says and bites his lip again. “Crazy about me?”

Toshiya flushes and nods before looking at where he has Shinya’s hands in his own, “Since I saw La:Sadie’s the first time, you were so beautiful and mysterious. Couldn’t even get you to talk to me very much that night no matter how much I tried. It was such a tease.”

Shinya blushes at that, his heart is really pounding then and when he searches Toshiya’s face he looks embarrassed and sheepish but open and honest and Shinya just doesn’t know how to take all of this. 

“...Hard to read?” he asks quietly and it makes Toshiya laugh softly.

“The whole quiet thing,” Toshiya answers in fond amusement, he squeezes Shinya’s hands for a moment before letting go of one.

“Oh,” Shinya answers, his stomach and his heart clenching in turn as he ducks his head down and wishes he could hide his face in his hair like he usually does. Toshiya’s fingers on his chin pull his face up until Shinya can see Toshiya’s eyes then they slide to cup his jaw. 

“Do you trust me?” Toshiya asks him, seriously. His thumb moves along Shinya’s jawline and over his cheek, tracing skin back and forth so softly Shinya’s can barely feel the pressure of the touch.

Shinya has to swallow a few times as he thinks it over. Toshiya is a huge flirt, definitely a string of one-night-stands kind of guy- that Shinya knows very well... but at the same time he lives for Dir en Grey and has sacrificed so much to be able to do the band. It’s not something he would jeopardize for one fun night.

So, ok. That thought convinces him. He takes a deep breath and Toshiya watches him, looking apprehensive in a way Shinya doesn’t see him look very often.

“Yeah, I trust you,” Shinya says quietly, closing his eyes for a moment. Part of him is a little worried that he’s making a bad decision but when he opens his eyes Toshiya is smiling. Toshiya’s relieved exhale makes Shinya smile too. 

“Okay,” Toshiya says and the hand on Shinya’s jaw snakes around to cup the back of his neck firmly but still so gently. “I’m going to kiss you now okay?” He leans in, braces Shinya’s head with the hand firm on his neck, but then he stops. Toshiya’s breaths are a little ragged, like it’s killing him to wait for Shinya’s answer. It probably is, if he’s waited for this for as long as he says he has.

Shinya finds himself panting a little too, but he looks over what he can see of Toshiya’s face while it’s so close. He wants to remember this, the few moments leading up to their first kiss. How it looks, how it feels, how Toshiya stopped to wait for his permission before just taking. When his gaze makes it back up to Toshiya’s, his eyes are dark but focused on Shinya and when he sways closer to Toshiya he feels his strong hand on his waist again holding Shinya steady as he waits. 

“Ok,” Shinya murmurs, their mouth so close that when his lips move they brush against Toshiya’s. It makes Toshiya make a soft and almost pained noise that sends goosebumps flooding down Shinya’s arms but when Toshiya closes the distance immediately Shinya finds himself making almost the same sound.

It’s so good, better than he could have ever imagined. It’s just this soft, gentle press but Toshiya’s lips are plush and hot against his own. The hand on his side twitches and Shinya can’t help but to clutch at the front of Toshiya’s sweater, his hands holding onto the material at his chest to brace himself as Toshiya kisses him. 

It almost hurts it’s so sweet, the kiss stays soft until Shinya finally has the sense to move his hand up Toshiya’s chest and over onto his back until his arm is hooked around Toshiya's shoulders. It pulls their bodies closer and shifts the kiss and Toshiya’s hand on the back of Shinya’s neck holds a little tighter as he makes a small noise.

Toshiya’s hand holds Shinya in place as he nudges the kiss open, keeps him in place as it deepens. It’s so hot and Shinya is absolutely just putty in Toshiya’s hands now. Nobody has ever kissed him like this, he’s never felt so wanted. It makes his knees weak but Toshiya is right there to steady him with an arm around his waist to hold him up. All Shinya can do is hold on as Toshiya’s tongue pushes against his. 

They kiss open and deep for a moment, Shinya is just starting to really like where this is headed when suddenly Toshiya pulls out of the kiss. Shinya gasps at the sudden lack of kissing but the question dies on his tongue when the reason why Toshiya did that so fast is revealed. Toshiya is yawning so hard his eyes are watering.

“Oh my god,” Shinya says and gives a sharp laugh in disbelief as Toshiya moves his hand off of Shinya’s neck to wipe at his eyes. Toshiya laughs too, sheepish.

“Fuck, Shinya, I’m so sorry,” he says while still laughing helplessly and Shinya can’t help ducking his head and laughing along with him. “I’m just so exhausted.” 

Shinya shakes his head in dismissal of the apology and brings his other arm up to wrap around Toshiya’s shoulders and pull him into a hug, Toshiya’s arms wrap around his middle and pull him in closer. 

“Only you would yawn like an asshole in the middle of our first kiss,” Shinya says, hiding his embarrassed face in Toshiya’s shoulder.

Toshiya chuckles and takes a moment to press a kiss to Shinya’s head. “I said I was sorry,” he protests and after they both giggle for a moment Shinya pulls away. 

“C’mon, lets go to bed.” 

“No more kissing?” Toshiya pouts but he lets go of Shinya and steps away so Shinya can head to the door to the bedroom and slide it open. 

“No, cause you’re just gonna yawn again,” Shinya says and grins as Toshiya scoffs behind him. “We’re gonna go to sleep now, we can kiss again later.”

“You wanna kiss again later?” Toshiya asks, sounding a little astonished as he closes the sliding door behind himself.

“What part of “I don't want this to be a one time thing” made that unclear?” Shinya says stern but teasing, he opens the drawer in his small dresser that has the pajamas in it. 

“Oh, well,” Toshiya says pompously, he obviously can’t come up with something witty enough to retort with but when Shinya thrusts some folded up clothes he takes it without a fuss. 

“Old t-shirt and some shorts,” Shinya explains and grins up at Toshiya who grins back. Completely unable to help himself and feeling bold, Shinya leans up to kiss that happy, cute little grin.

Toshiya reacts to the little kiss immediately, he makes a pleased noise when Shinya pulls away and rocks back on his heels. His eyes are closed when he speaks but his cheeks are flushed and he’s smiling happily, “I thought you said no more kissing.” he says and when he opens his eyes, his smile turns more teasing.

“Ugh,” Shinya says and rolls his eyes, trying to hide his furious blush. “Go change,” he whines and pushes at Toshiya to try to push him towards the bathroom.

Toshiya is laughing in delight but he lets Shinya push him until he’s standing in the doorway of the tiny restroom. “Wait, wait,” he cries and when Shinya hesitates he gives his most beguiling smile. “One more? Please?”

The pleading look on Toshiya’s face and the fact he’s waiting for it makes Shinya hesitate nervously. Oh man. He takes a breath, sways forward and gives Toshiya a quick little kiss. Shinya then immediately steps out of the doorway and slides the bathroom door shut with a finality.

He can hear Toshiya laughing which makes him hide his face in his hands, but it sounds fond and happy so he just hides his smile and goes to change out of his jeans and sweater into some pajamas himself. Shinya is just putting his street clothes in the hamper when the bathroom door slides open and Toshiya sticks his head out.

“Can I borrow your hairbrush?” Toshiya asks, “Also I used a little bit of toothpaste, I hope that’s ok.”

“That’s fine,” Shinya says and crosses the small space to the bathroom. “Use whatever you need.” When Toshiya comes out of the bathroom brushing his hair Shinya sneaks past him and into the bathroom so he can get ready for sleep.

He doesn’t stay in the bathroom too long, if he looks at himself in the mirror he starts thinking too hard about the fact that he was just doing some, like, actual kissing like 2 minutes ago and he gets all blushy and discombobulated. So Shinya brushes his teeth, washes his face again, and comes back out of the bathroom with a hair tie.

Toshiya is sitting on the edge of Shinya’s low-sitting bed, long legs sprawled out in front of him. He smiles when Shinya approaches and he holds out the hairbrush to Shinya for a moment then hesitates before pulling it back to himself.

“What?” Shinya asks, he had started to reach out for the brush before Toshiya pulled it back.

Toshiya looks sheepish and a bit embarrassed. “Can I...” he starts then tries again, “Come here, I’ll brush your hair for you.”

“You don’t have too,” Shinya says and immediately starts blushing for the 100th time that night. He goes to sit down next to Toshiya on the bed anyways and Toshiya shifts around to face him. 

“It’s fine,” Toshiya says and uses Shinya’s shoulder to carefully maneuver Shinya until his back is toward Toshiya and he can get at his hair. He takes the clip out and gathers Shinya’s hair in his hand with a gentle touch. “Is it- Is it weird I’ve always wanted to do this?” Toshiya asks quietly, sounding embarrassed again. “It’s just, your hair is so nice.”

Toshiya starts to gently brush Shinya’s hair, taking his time to pick through any of the knots he finds. “No,” Shinya murmurs to his hands in his lap. It was maybe a little weird but it feels really nice. This could happen again. Toshiya is being really gentle and Shinya finds himself relaxing. “I guess not. Maybe at first?”

Toshiya laughs a little bit but he reaches around Shinya and grabs the hair tie he had taken out of the bathroom. “Well, thank you for humoring me. I think I’m just jealous of it,” he says as he starts braiding Shinya’s hair. He french-braids Shinya’s hair in like half the time it takes Shinya to do a regular braid. Maybe he should be the jealous one. 

“I guess,” Shinya says and it comes out a little shyer then he means it to, Toshiya chuckles as he ties the end of the braid off before leaning forward and giving the little hint of shoulder exposed by the large neckline of Shinya’s sleep shirt a soft kiss. 

“Come on, let’s go to sleep,” Toshiya says and scoots away and starts to get up. “Do you have some blankets I can use?” 

Shinya reaches out and grabs Toshiya’s hand, which causes Toshiya to stop and look down at him. “You can sleep in the bed with me, if you want too,” he says and when Toshiya’s eyes widen he blushes hard and looks away, “It’s big enough...”

“If I want too!” Toshiya says with a whoop and he half-tackles, half-flops on top of Shinya. “IF I WANT too,” he echoes as he crushes Shinya onto the bed.

“I take it back,” Shinya cries out but he’s laughing stupidly as Toshiya wraps his arms around Shinya awkwardly and rocks side to side so he’s just mashing Shinya into the mattress.

“No take backs,” Toshiya sing-songs in pure delight, “We’re gonna cuddle aaaall night long!”

“What did I do to myself,” Shinya wonders outloud but he’s still laughing as he starts pushing Toshiya off of him. “Let me up, c’mon. Let me up so I can turn the lights off.” 

“Okay,” Toshiya says and rolls off of Shinya. He scoots across the bed and throws himself into the pillows with a happy noise.

“You’re too happy about this,” Shinya says as he gets up off the bed to go throw the switch for the light. 

“I mean,” Toshiya says, voice muffled by pillows. “I totally am. I’ve been waiting forever for this, y’know?”

“Stop,” Shinya whines as he walks back to the bed. “It’s been like, two years.”

When Shinya climbs on the bed, Toshiya turns over onto his side and watches him. There’s a little light coming in through the window from the street and Shinya can see Toshiya’s happy little smile.

“Two years is a long time,” Toshiya counters as he rolls over onto his back. “It seems like forever when you want something bad enough.” He doesn’t even stop to let Shinya absorb what he's saying and it's kind of unfair. That’s not something people say about him. “Kaoru has been onto me from day one, by the way. He figured me out pretty quickly after I joined the band.” 

“What? Really?” Shinya says as he lays down next to Toshiya, he can feel himself make a face. Was it so obvious and had he missed all the hints completely?

“I thought I hid it well,” Toshiya says and he looks up towards the ceiling as he reminisces. “But within the first couple of practices he told me,” Toshiya drops his voice in an imitation of Kaoru’s, “If you break Shinya’s heart and break up the band I will break you.” 

“Oh my god,” Shinya squeaks and he makes a noise of mortification. He flails around for a minute but then he hides his face in Toshiya’s shoulder and grips the front of his borrowed pj’s. “No, he didn’t!”

“He did,” Toshiya intones solemnly, “Not those exact words but the meaning was definitely there. I’m probably going to have to sleep with one eye open for a little while after this,” he says with a distant laugh, his hand comes up and lands on Shinya’s back so he can rub it soothingly. 

Shinya lifts his head up, “Do you think that this is worth it?” he asks sincerely, looking up at Toshiya’s face. “With all the risk, you know? If we were gonna be together? Would it be worth it to be with me?”

Toshiya shifts a little and looks at Shinya so earnestly, “Absolutely,” he says completely seriously. “Kaoru can beat me up if he wants too, it’ll still be completely worth it to me.”

When Shinya blushes and ducks his head, Toshiya puts his hand under Shinya’s chin to lead his head back up and kiss Shinya so soft and gentle. It’s a kiss Shinya feels all the way to his toes. When it ends, Toshiya pulls Shinya into his arms, making it so that Shinya can rest his head on his chest comfortably. When they both finish settling in, Shinya can hear him sigh.

“I also thought you and Die had a thing, for a while, too” Toshiya says a moment later, breaking the peaceful silence.

“What? Ugh! No,” Shinya says and laughs a little, shaking his head. “Like, it was almost a maybe thing way back before La:Sadie’s started to even really be a band. He’s a good friend now, more like a big brother.”

“In my defense,” Toshiya says a little indignantly, “He’s always teasing you. I thought he was flirting with you and like, how could I compete with that if you guys have known each other for so long?”

“He’s just a big flirt,” Shinya says on a yawn and lifts his head up to glance sleepy but happy at Toshiya. “You have it in common.”

Toshiya laughs sharply at that and Shinya settles back down on Toshiya’s chest. “Yeah, you’re right.” Toshiya’s hand rubs his back lightly for a moment. “Now I feel sorry for waiting so long.” 

“Mmm,” Shinya says and yawns again. “Now you know. Goodnight.”

“Now I know,” Toshiya echoes and Shinya may be falling asleep but he can still hear the touch of amazement in Toshiya’s voice. “Goodnight, Shinya,” he says and the last thing Shinya is really conscious of is Toshiya’s lips against his forehead.

Shinya dreams very vividly about being locked in his old high school during an apocalypse, he’s with Die and Kaoru and Kyo but they can’t find Toshiya no matter how hard they search for him. They’ll see him from a distance but every time they get close he’s gone. When he finally manages to pull himself out of the dream, Shinya makes a little unhappy noise. His heart is racing with the anxiety brought on from the dream, but a heavy hand pets over his head and down his back in a clumsy attempt to comfort.

“You okay?” Toshiya’s voice comes from somewhere above him, sleepy and thick. He shifts around underneath where Shinya is kind of draped over him so he can see Shinya’s face and his hand pets over Shinya’s head again but more gently this time. 

“Yeah,” Shinya whispers and reaches a hand up to rub hard at his eye. “Sorry. 's just a weird dream.”

“Okay.” Toshiya murmurs, sounding still pretty sleepy but his voice is just as fond as the tender look in his eyes. It’s overwhelming to be looked at like that when he’s had such an intense dream about him, so Shinya kinda wiggles his way up til he’s able to kiss Toshiya.

The kiss is sleepy and a little sleep-stale, but it’s open and maybe a little bit hotter than Shinya meant for it to be. His heart is racing now for a different reason and when Shinya makes a soft, wanting noise Toshiya makes his own.

When the kiss breaks, they’re both breathing a little heavy. “Toshiya,” Shinya murmurs, questioningly. He wants so much in that moment and he knows it’s gotta be all over his face.

Toshiya just smiles at him, all fond again. He kisses Shinya’s lower lip, his chin, then a spot high on his right cheek. “Shhh. Go back to sleep,” he whispers, lips moving against Shinya’s skin. “There’ll be time for that in the morning.”

Shinya wants to protest, he wants to do this right now, but he just nods once and puts his head back down down on Toshiya’s chest. He heaves a long shaky exhale, he thinks it's gonna take forever to fall back to sleep after that kiss and that dream but when he feels Toshiya’s big warm hand resting on his back he feels safe enough that he slips into an easy, dreamless rest.

\---

Morning comes too soon. When Shinya wakes up again, he’s honestly still tired enough that he almost freaks out about the fact that not only is someone in his bed but that someone is spooned up behind him, arms tight around his waist and face pressed into his shoulder. His heart gallops in fright before he remembers that’s Toshiya that’s dead asleep and latched onto him and then it gallops again when he remembers they spent last night kissing.

Wow, so that happened. Shinya rubs sleep from his eyes and can’t help but smile. Toshiya has had a crush on him for two years, jesus. He’d always considered Toshiya to be incredibly attractive and funny and fun to be around, even had developed a crush of his own recently, but never ever thought this could be a thing. He could maybe, just maybe, have a boyfriend? Maybe?

The thought makes him bury his face into his hands and the motion makes Toshiya behind him sigh in his sleep and pull him even closer. It’s really nice and Shinya is so absolutely tempted to continue laying there and go back to sleep, but he needs to get up and use the bathroom. Extracting himself without waking Toshiya is easier than he expected, it probably helps that Toshiya was so bone tired last night that he’s out cold. When Shinya slips out of his arms, Toshiya just rolls onto his back and drapes an arm over his head without waking up in the slightest.

He’s so attractive even knocked out asleep, all long eyelashes and parted pouty lips. Shinya rolls his eyes at the display, it’d inflate Toshiya’s ego even farther if he knew what a pretty picture he painted. He watches Toshiya sleep for a moment before he pulls himself off the bed and gets up to totter off unsteadily to the bathroom to do his morning routine.

When Shinya looks at himself in the mirror he inspects himself like his experiences last night would have changed his appearance obviously in some way, but he just looks a little sleepy honestly. He notes that the braid Toshiya had done for him last night held up remarkably well and it’s nice to not have to brush out a rat’s nest. His bangs are a bit of a mess but it’s easy to re-pin that. He’s almost disappointed that he doesn’t look much different, since he feels like so much changed. 

As Shinya brushes his teeth he keeps looking at the mirror, like if he turns his head in a certain way in the light maybe he could see what Toshiya sees. It looks like the same old Shinya to him, so he spits out toothpaste and rinses his mouth and tells himself that’s a good thing as he exits the bathroom quietly.

Toshiya still hasn’t stirred, he’s snoring lightly as Shinya pads across the carpet to the door to the front kitchen area of his home. He slides the door open and shut very quietly behind himself then sets to the task of making breakfast and some coffee. When he comes across the mug that Toshiya got out for him last night Shinya smiles to himself. 

He ends up making tea for himself and coffee for Toshiya, kind of wishing he had better coffee but he doesn’t drink it enough for it to be something he spends money on. Maybe he would now, if this meant Toshiya would be around more. He doesn’t have much in the way of breakfast food either, but he does have a few leftover croissants from the bakery down the street and some butter so he puts those in the toaster oven to warm and crisp up. When it’s done, he starts taking stuff into the bedroom to the small, low table he keeps in there.

Even through his multiple trips to bring breakfast and the mugs in, Toshiya doesn’t wake up. He really must have been exhausted, the poor guy. Shinya feels a little bad since he has to wake him up, but they have practice this afternoon and he doesn’t know if Toshiya will want to go home first. After the last trip in from the kitchen, Shinya goes and kneels next to the bed.

“Toshiya,” he says and puts his hand on Toshiya’s chest. He shakes him a little, “Toshiya, wake up. It’s time to get up.” 

The grunt that Toshiya gives him is an ugly and unhappy noise, but since Shinya keeps lightly shaking him he slowly opens his eyes and sighs heavily. “‘M up, ‘m up,” he grumbles and rubs at his eyes.

After a moment, he moves his hands away from his eyes. “I must still be dreaming,” Toshiya says, voice gravelly from sleep. “I’m in Shinya’s bed,” and a moment later after he sniffs the air, “and he brought me breakfast? Definitely dreaming.”

Shinya makes an amused noise, “No, it’s reality. Sorry.” He can’t help himself and he gives Toshiya’s cheek a little kiss. “You’re definitely in my bed and I did bring you breakfast, though. I didn’t have very much and I only had instant coffee. I hope that’s ok.”

Toshiya hums and stretches before he reaches out and loops his arms around Shinya’s neck and shoulders, pulling him in as Shinya laughs breathlessly. “More then, thank you,” He smiles at Shinya before leaning in to give him a sweet good morning kiss, eyes tired but happy. The small kiss tastes like morning breath but Shinya doesn’t mind as much as he thought he would. “Are you sure I’m not dreaming?” 

This time when Shinya laughs he reaches up and pinches Toshiya hard on the arm, making Toshiya yelp and pull his arms away. “Pretty sure,” he says and stands up to move to the table. “Come eat before your coffee gets cold.”

“You’re cruel,” Toshiya whines but he slides off the bed and walks on his hands and knees to the table. He zeroes in on the coffee immediately and starts sipping at it even though it’s still boiling hot. “Oh, that’s good.” 

“These are a few days old,” Shinya says and puts a plate with two croissants on it in front of where Toshiya is sitting. “I warmed them up with some butter though, so they should taste fine.” 

Toshiya catches his hand before he withdraws it, “It’s fine, Shinya, thank you,” Toshiya says seriously and gives Shinya’s knuckles a kiss before letting go of his hand. “It's better than what I’d be eating anyways. You’re right about the coffee and cigarettes thing, though I’m gonna totally have a cigarette when I finish this,” he says before taking a big bite of one of the croissants. 

Shinya turns on the tv after that, the morning news plays as they eat their breakfasts in a companionable silence. Toshiya yawns heartily a few times but he finishes his coffee and both croissants before he turns to Shinya. 

“I’m gonna go clean up and have my cigarette now,” Toshiya says as the weather segment comes on for the 3rd time and when Shinya hums his agreement into his cup of tea he gets to his feet and goes into the bathroom. 

A moment later he sticks his head back out and laughs, “Why didn’t you tell me my hair was such a wreck?” he asks Shinya and when Shinya laughs too he pouts. 

“I didn’t even notice,” Shinya admits and laughs some more as Toshiya’s pout turns more dramatic. 

“Cruel,” Toshiya repeats himself from earlier but he laughs as he slides the bathroom door shut. The water turns on and Shinya smiles into what's left of his tea before draining the cup. 

Shinya looks away from the TV when the door slides back open a little bit later, Toshiya is already changed into the clothes he was wearing last night including his sweatshirt. Shinya stands up, surprised to see it. The morning had been so nice and peaceful, did he do something wrong? Something must be readable on his face because Toshiya comes over immediately.

When Toshiya takes Shinya’s hands in his own, Shinya can’t help but ask him, “Leaving already?” and Toshiya’s lips twist into a little frown. 

“Yes, don’t be upset,” Toshiya says in a rush and brings Shinya’s hands up to his face and kisses his fingers a few times. “I need to go home and shower and change before practice and I just realized I’m out of cigarettes.” 

Shinya gives Toshiya a flat look which makes Toshiya smile sheepish and a little awkward and let go of one of Shinya’s hands to instead grasp gently at the back of his neck in a faint imitation of the way he held Shinya last night. 

“Forgive me,” Toshiya pleads, using his hand on the back of Shinya’s neck to pull him in for a comforting kiss. It doesn’t soothe the pressure in Shinya’s chest, though. “I’ll see you at practice,” his lips move against Shinya’s as he speaks. “Maybe after that?”

Shinya lets Toshiya kiss him for a moment. “Are you trying to freeload off me?” he accuses teasingly, trying to lighten both his mood and the atmosphere. When Toshiya giggles it buzzes against his lips. “Sneak another night in somewhere that’s not your sardine tin?”

Toshiya pulls back and gives Shinya his most winning smile, “If you’ll have me.”

“I’ll think about it,” Shinya says solemnly, reaching up to grab Toshiya’s wrist. 

“So very kind of you,” Toshiya says with a sniff but he gives a little laugh and leans in to kiss Shinya again. The banter helps and so do these little kisses, Shinya feels some of his anxiousness fade. Toshiya can’t have changed his mind about everything if he’s kissing Shinya so tenderly, right? 

A few minutes roll by before Toshiya pulls away again and when he swears under his breath he sounds a little upset, “I really do have to go,” he says, but at least this time when he leans in he just leans his forehead against Shinya’s and take some harsh breaths. 

“Then you should go,” Shinya says, even if it's the last thing he wants. He wants to push forward and push their mouths together and keep kissing. Especially if it keeps Toshiya here with him even just a little longer. But he knows that Toshiya is right, logically, there are things to do and a practice to attend, so he takes the initiative and uses his grip on Toshiya’s wrist to pull his hand away. “I’ll see you at practice,” he says and steps back one step, then two. 

“Right,” Toshiya says and licks his lips for a moment. “Practice.” Shinya watches him sigh then feel his pockets for his things almost a little mindlessly. 

“Practice,” Shinya echoes and it feels more like a promise then anything else. They stand there and stare at each other for a moment before Toshiya rolls his eyes and finally starts to walk to the door. 

“I’m leaving for real now,” he says and slides open the door to the front part of Shinya’s apartment. 

“Okay,” Shinya says and giggles as he follows behind Toshiya.

“I mean it,” Toshiya says but he’s laughing as he steps into the recessed entranceway and starts to put his shoes on. 

“I believe you,” Shinya says, amused, standing right on the edge of the ledge to that entranceway, his toes hanging over the side. He crosses his arms over his chest, putting a boundary between them even if he’s still standing maybe a little too close. 

“Really,” Toshiya says, sounding serious even though he’s got a little close-lipped grin on his face. “Really really leaving.” 

“Oh my god,” Shinya says and laughs, reaching out to push at Toshiya, “get out of my home!” Toshiya laughs loudly for a moment and he dodges Shinya’s hands but he opens the front door to the apartment. 

“I’m going, I’m going,” he says as he giggles but he hesitates in the doorway and smiles so hopefully all Shinya can do is lean forward and kiss him. Just a brief little peck, because he doesn’t trust either one of them to behave.

“Bye,” Shinya says when he stands back up straight, still lingering on the edge of the entryway and the front room.

Toshiya sighs and he hesitates like he wants to say something for a moment longer but he finally steps out of the apartment and into the sunshine outside. “Bye, Shinya,” he says around the door and Shinya waves a little until it shuts.

The room feels so empty almost immediately and Shinya finds himself staring at the door long after it shuts just waiting for Toshiya to come bursting back through. It obviously doesn’t happen, even if Shinya wishes it would. So now he’s left to his own devices. Right, no time to dwell on his insecurities and anxieties. It’s time to clean up breakfast, take a shower, and get ready for practice.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello friends! I haven't posted fic I've written in about 13 years so forgive any grammar or weird errors because there's not really anyone to Beta it for me. This is written through my very western lens, I cobbled together my knowledge of early Diru and various headcanons and spent HOURS researching Osaka because I am too much of a stickler for dumb details. There's a second part of this that's the next day that I am already editing so please be on the look out for that coming very soon if you enjoyed this at all. Thank you for reading! <3


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